Insecure
Robbie Colson-Ramsey, Contributing Writer
I spent the entire 4th of July weekend binge-watching HBO’s TV show Insecure (don’t come for me, I know the show is old, but I did not have HBO). It was a show about two friends, Molly and Issa, living with insecurities and navigating through the joys and sorrows of friendship as two Black women in Los Angles. While the show has no direct connection to the role of first spouses in the church, it helps you explore the relationships of first spouses and their significance to the church community as we navigate there our joys and sorrows of life–and insecurities–while in the eye-view of the church members.
Insecurity negatively impacts individuals’ confidence and self-esteem and hinders their effectiveness in serving their church. It may prevent an individual from taking on leadership roles or responsibilities within their church community. To overcome insecurity as a first spouse, one must focus on personal growth, self-reflection, and developing a healthy sense of self-worth.
Insecurity can also manifest as a fear of being judged by others, including fellow church members. This fear can prevent individuals from expressing themselves, sharing ideas, or engaging in open discussions within the church community. Often, many first spouses are afraid to voice their opinion for fear of retaliation from the pastor. To overcome this fear, one must build self-assurance, recognize everyone has unique perspectives, and understand that growth comes from learning and supporting one another. Also, it is vital for first spouses to listen to and be observant of their parishioners and the church’s vision. I will never forget what a first lady told me, leading up to my first Sunday as a new first lady, to “Shut up and sit down for a year to listen and understand the people.” This one piece of advice has proven to be highly successful for me and my first lady ministry.
Insecurity also leads to feelings of inadequacy or jealousy when spouses compare themselves to others. This mindset can create an unhealthy atmosphere within the church, hindering collaboration, unity, and the collective focus on serving others. It is essential to embrace individual strengths and celebrate each person’s unique contributions to the church community.
Churches are meant to be supportive communities where individuals can grow in their faith and serve one another. As first spouses, you are not negated from this support to help you grow and work through your insecurities. Reflecting inwardly can also aid in overcoming insecurities. Your church and support system can provide advice, support, and prayers, helping you to navigate your insecurities and find your strengths.
In conclusion, overcoming insecurities involves personal growth, self-reflection, and creating a supportive environment within the church community. By addressing and working through insecurities, you can unlock your potential and contribute your unique gifts to the service of your churches. When people who are whole and happy surround you, they create an atmosphere of true joy in which the Lord’s name can be praised.
