By Alytrius Bridgers, Publicity Chair, Conn-M-SWAWO + PK’S
It may not have been that quick but both were unexpected positions. When my mother answered her call to ministry I was an adult, with my own family at that time. As a result, I never considered myself (or my two sisters) preacher’s kids. My sisters and I did, however, experience some growing pains as a result of my mother’s new position. It hit us like a Mack truck and it took a moment to understand what happened.
When mom got her first church, two and a half hours from home, we didn’t think it would impact us much. It was the subtle nuances that crept in and shook us up. Mom was an active member of our church at the time, serving as the church secretary and on several boards and auxiliaries. Now that she was gone, the church expected my sisters and me to pick up her slack. I did don the role of the church secretary and endured years of being compared to my mother as a result. One sister became a stewardess but the other sister was not accommodating at all and did her own thing.
Although we were grown and didn’t need our mommy, we still needed our mother. In times when we needed guidance or encouragement that only a mother can provide, she was unavailable. At first, it didn’t seem like a big deal; but when it was all three of us complaining about the same thing, I took stock. The only thing that changed was that she had a church now. She shared stories and frustrations about her congregation but didn’t have the time to listen to our stories and frustrations.
Mom and I have not always had the best relationship. We are a lot alike and butt heads quite often; and even with all the work she did for her home church, she still had the time for us. That was now gone and I found myself missing her and being a little jealous of this church family she now had.
Fast forward to 2011, when my husband answered his call and preached his first sermon. I remember that day because we wore the same colors to show solidarity—purple and black. I remember because the shirt I wore that day was criticized by another spouse. Although all the “good stuff” was covered up, my arms were out. Yes, they were a little flabby but I didn’t see a problem with them. Now that I was a spouse, I couldn’t wear my arms out. I had a conversation with my husband after that and he did not agree.
When he received his first appointment is when things started to change. I had become accustomed to working in the church. At my home church, I had my hands in everything. Now, as the pastor’s wife, I had to learn my new role. This is the sixth year and our third appointment and I’m still trying to learn my role! When I finally decided to become an official member of the MSWAWO + PKs on the conference and episcopal level, I received this nice little book that was supposed to provide some guidance to what that was but I have not been able to put any of that into practice.
I have learned that I cannot be as involved in the business of the church, even if I feel like my experience and input might be helpful. I have learned to give my input to my husband to present to the body (even though he will give me credit). I have grown to understand the meaning of Ephesians 5:22-25. God has even graced me with a stronger singing voice over these past few years of serving in small churches with part-time or no musicians. As I continue to grow and learn as a spouse, I grow and learn as a Christian.
