Choose Kindness
By Rev. Sheri D. Smith Clayborn, Contributing Writer
On the door of my office hangs a picture that reads,“In a world where you can be anything, BE KIND”(Author Unknown). Seemingly, kindness is underrated. Kindness and being nice are not the same.
Kindness is rooted in love. Kindness is love in action that shows favor. It is produced in us through our relationship with God through Jesus Christ and is given power by the Holy Spirit to show mercy, favor, and love to someone. Kindness is a fruit of the Holy Spirit.
Unfortunately, I rarely hear kindness used as a spiritual discipline. I often hear the words kind and nice used interchangeably but the words are not synonymous. The roots and the fruit of kindness and nice are different; therefore, they yield different results. Kindness is rooted in love and produces healthy relationships with self and others. Nice is rooted in focusing on what others think and obtaining their favor at all costs.
Many of us were raised to be nice. Nice is usually about keeping the peace and creating moments that make people feel good. Nice takes others’happiness into consideration at the cost of your own health and wellness. Nice allows for fudged boundaries that depend on what others will think, disregarding boundaries that protect self and others. Nice creates and sustains the fear of rejection and elevates it to a point that shuns authenticity. I have heard it said,“If you live for their approval, you’ll die from their rejection.”
In our culture, there is an expectation that girls, in particular, should be: nice to everyone, people we know and people that we do not know; willing to follow written and unwritten rules that make people feel good, even if they are not good. While I believe in the power of feel-good moments, I believe too many people have chosen nice when kindness is a much better choice. Too many people have been disarmed with nice instead of empowered with kindness.
Nice calls for hugging Uncle or Auntie So and So, even if they molested you. Nice calls for keeping silent concerning abuse because it might make someone uncomfortable. Nice calls for staying in unhealthy relationships because the other person is not ready to let go. Nice calls for being polite in deadly situations as to not ruffle anyone’s feathers. Nice is not so nice when it calls for your soul at the cost of someone else’s “feel good”moment.
Kindness is about being good. Kindness is about having hard conversations that don’t lend themselves to warm and fuzzy feelings. Kindness is not rude or demeaning.Kindness will see about itself and its community. Kindness requires us to be vigilant about being authentic and kind to ourselves. Kindness calls us to say no and mean it in the face of what has become normative hate. Kindness does not make God’s love discriminate.
We must choose the fruit of the Spirit—kindness—over normative niceties that open the door to trauma-related incidences in the name of feel-good moments for others.Nice is good. Kindness is better. Choose kindness.
