Promoting Healthy Sex and Sexuality: Talking with Our Children about Avoiding Becoming Victims of Child Sexual Abuse

Promoting Healthy Sex and Sexuality: Talking with Our Children about Avoiding Becoming Victims of Child Sexual Abuse

By Rev. Dr. Priscilla Irene Boswell, Contributing Writer

Warning: The following internet headlines are real and may be distressing to some readers: “Founder of Christian Nursery School Charged With ‘Lewd Fondling’ of Three Children” (Barnes, 2018), “The Catholic Church Ignores this Child Sexual Abuse Law” (Chapin, 2018), “Former Police Officer Sentenced To 11 Years For Child Sexual Abuse” (Layne, 2018), and “Surviving Sexual Abuse: Why Sweeping it Under the Rug Causes Problems” (Harte, 2018). One of the most difficult challenges facing primary caregivers of children ishow best to have conversations with them about sexuality.

In light of the headlines above, however, even more difficult may be having conversations with them about how to avoid becoming victims of child sexual abuse (CSA). Based on recommendations gleaned from various government agencies, sexual assault prevention organizations, healthcare professionals, and others, here are a few tips for having that talk:

1. Start conversations while your children are very young (even infants have been victims of CSA). Use times when you and they are relaxed and comfortable, such as at bedtime, reading time, or bath time. Give simple answers to their questions;
2. Teach the proper names of genitals, just as you would teach the proper names of other body parts. Instill the sense that body parts–including the genitals–are private;
3. Encourage children to say “no” to adults or peers who try to touch them where they do not want to be touched. Children should also learn not to touch the private parts of others;
4. Tell them that no one should take pictures of their private parts. Also, they must be wary of adults who offer them special gifts or toys or who want to take them on “special outings” or to “special events;”
5. Identify two or three trusted adults that they can turn to if they feel unsafe. Agree on a code word or facial expression your children can use when they feel at risk;
6. If your child tells you about any form of sexual abuse, stay calm and listen carefully. Review and repeat what they tell you so that they will know you have heard and understand them. Let them know that they did the right thing in telling you, that they are not responsible for the abuse, and that you will do everything you can to protect them; and,
7. Report the abuse immediately. Unaddressed child sexual abuse can result in years of victimization, substance abuse, and more for both victims and their families.

While the headlines above are bad news, the good news is that the church has the God-given authority and power to bring down the carnal strongholds of CSA. One way to do this is to have life-long conversations with our children about how to avoid becoming victims of child sexual abuse.

The Rev. Dr. Priscilla Boswell has more than 30 years of experience in lay and ordained ministries in Methodist denominations. She currently serves as dean of the ministerial staff, Director of Christian Education, and executive director of the Community Outreach and Social Involvement Ministries, all at Pilgrim AME Church in Washington, DC. Additionally, Dr. Boswell serves as dean of the Christian Education Teacher Certification Institute for the Washington Annual Conference.