Joy Comes in the Mourning
By Rev. Sheri D. Smith Clayborn, Contributing Writer
Mourning is the expression of one’s grief. It is grief’s companion. Grief is an inevitable response when we experience a significant loss and mourning is a necessary part of that process.
The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) explains grief and mourning in this way: “Grief is the internal meaning given to the experience of loss. Mourning is when you take the grief you have on the inside and express it outside yourself. Another way of defining mourning is “grief gone public” or “the outward expression of grief.” There is no one right or only way to mourn.”
Psalm 30:5b says, “Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” It seems to indicate a short path to healing. However, most healing is not an overnight process. Grief subsides over time with intentional work toward the process. In this scripture, joy comes in the season of morning.
Joy also comes in the process of mourning. Joy, not happiness, is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, joy is rooted in God; whereas, happiness is rooted in circumstances. This means that God is a part of the processes of grief and mourning.
All who grieve will mourn. Even those who seek to move through grief quickly will still mourn. People who try to move people through their grief quickly are practicing a kind of mourning that tends to be unhealthy. To rush someone, including yourself, through the grief process and limit mourning is a way to short-circuit the grief process and diminish joy.
Mourning is becoming a lost art, mainly because people seem to have an insatiable need to always feel good. Loss hurts. Many try avoiding grief with superficial happiness that feels good; however, grief is unavoidable. Grief will deal with you until you deal with it.
Mourning allows one to release. No, we don’t mourn as those with no hope. However, sometimes we need to scream, rest longer, not answer every call, and be with those who truly love us and are emotionally healthy. These are vital healing practices.
Each time we intentionally deal with grief, we build knowledge of best practices to mourn our future losses. The hymn, “Yield Not to Temptations” says, “Each vict’ry will help you, Some other to win.”
Some tools help me maintain joy during seasons of night while awaiting morning. First, engage your emotions regularly before grief.
Next, acknowledge and allow your feelings. Then affirm what you know to be true in scripture.
Seek to understand and honor your feelings in a safe space. Use creative expressions of faith to feed your spirit like writing, dancing, and cooking until you feel it. Seek support from family and friends. Be kind to yourself.
Note your progress. Ask, “Am I getting worse instead of better?” Seek help from a professional counselor if over time you seem to feel worse, aren’t eating, don’t want to go out, or have suicidal thoughts.
The Bible declares that those who mourn will be comforted. We cannot expect comfort if we do not mourn, expressing our grief outwardly.
Express your grief with an intent to live and not die, knowing you will declare what the Lord has done for you. Mourn while anticipating your morning, for surely joy will come.
