God Cares: Lament is Necessary - Part 1

God Cares: Lament is Necessary – Part 1

Rev. Dr. Wanda C. Henry-Jenkins, Contributing Writer

Historically, loss and lament have been companions of humanity since ‘the fall’ in Eden. From the moment Adam and Eve disobeyed God, loss was the result. First, they lost innocence and were ashamed of their nakedness. The couple lost trust and respect, blaming each other for their sin. They lost their home and the wealth of Eden. Ultimately, the greatest loss was their relationship with God.^[1] One act of disobedience and the first couple lost everything.

Since then, loss has been a natural aspect of life.^[2] Humanity’s separation from God led to moral decline. This caused God great disappointment and resulted in God releasing a massive flood. Everyone and everything died. The world was destroyed, except for a remnant of humanity and animals to restore, reproduce, and repopulate the world. God covenanted never to destroy the world again. Yet, history reveals humanity has continued down a cyclical path of moral decay and separation from God. Consequently, death and loss were always present. Therefore, the need to address the sorrow and suffering was also necessary.

From ancient to modern-day societies, humanity has had many ways to address loss. Feeling the pain of grief and mourning the loss are important aspects of holistic healing. The final rituals, such as funerals, memorial services, and celebrations of life, are methods human beings use to help acknowledge the loss of a deceased loved one. The process of mourning a loss can be long and difficult without social support. Many people participate in support groups.

Everything, including bereavement, has its season and is a part of the circle of life.^[3] Loss will be integral to humanity until the second coming of Jesus Christ. The portrait of bereavement is vast and may present itself in multiple ways. It may occur because of poor health, the loss of employment, diminished wealth, a change in self-image, as well as mental health, geographic relocation, and spiritual decline. Regardless of how or why, loss is an event that changes the person and possibly the entire world. This is especially true when the loss is systemic worldwide, such as during the recent coronavirus pandemic.

Scholars, social scientists, psychologists, thanatologists, and theologians have always been concerned with loss, grief, death, and dying. In the latter half of the last century, serious research began on the effects of bereavement, grief, and mourning. Throughout the ages, people have been encouraged to move on after a loss without any method of going forward. With all the work that academic researchers and other professionals did in the latter half of the last century and this century, Americans still exist in a death-denying society where the bereaved are subjects of neglect. The seminal work of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross brought to light what most identify as the stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, guilt, and acceptance.^[4] It is important to know that while many, including ministers, hold to this identity, Ross was not describing what individuals experience after the loss of a deceased loved one. She delineates the process of loss and grief the terminally ill experience as they approach the end of life. This process was adapted and applied to describe the bereavement process in the aftermath of a beloved one’s death.

Psychiatrist-thanatologist William Worden’s research suggests that grievers need to perform four tasks of mourning to work through the loss. The mourning tasks are to accept the loss as irreversible, to experience the pain, to adjust to an environment where the loved one is permanently absent, and to adapt and begin the process of reorganizing a new life. Worden espoused the theory that regardless of the nature or type of loss, the tasks are applicable to all forms of loss. Mourning is the psychological and social process of addressing the loss and experiencing the grief (pain) accompanying bereavement. This has also become the standard goal and outcome of most professional death educators and counselors.^[5]

With grief work, this writer agrees more with Dr. Kenneth Doka, a thanatologist, gerontologist, and Lutheran Minister, who said there are five “tasks of grief” for bereaved individuals. These are: acknowledging the loss; coping with pain; managing change; maintaining bonds; and rebuilding faith and/or philosophy.”^[6]For the Christian, it is imperative that reconnecting with faith is included in the healing process. Without faith, trust in God, and a pathway to spiritually process the loss, grief, and mourning, there can be no promise of hope and healing. This writer believes that integrating Doka’s five tasks of mourning and processing them through biblical lament as a spiritual discipline will enhance and increase the effectiveness of helping the grieving among us to stay connected to God and experience spiritual transformation.

[2] Ibid. Genesis 3:6-24.

[4] Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Death and Dying

[5] Ibid.

[6] Kenneth Doka, Grief is a Journey: Finding Your Path Through Loss. Atria Books