A Courageous Spouse

Robbie Colson-Ramsey, Contributing Writer

I often hear, “Girl, how could you be married to a pastor?” I quickly turn to them and say, “It’s no different than being married to a firefighter, a police officer, or a doctor.” These professions require understanding and support due to the unique pressures of each role. Every calling, especially those involving service to others, can deeply impact a family, but they each come with their own set of rewards.

Being a spouse to anyone takes a lot of work and prayer, but being a spouse to a pastor is courageous. A courageous spouse is a unique blend of qualities that enable them to support and sustain their partner in the face of challenges. A courageous spouse has unique characteristics; I have found that a successful spouse has a deep understanding, empathy, and resilience.

A courageous clergy spouse deeply understands what their spouse does for a living and knows the calling upon their life is sacred. As spouses, we know the practical demands of ministry, and although we always don’t like them, we expect them and shift our plans according to those changes. We deeply appreciate the sacredness of the calling and attempt not to interfere with God’s move. We recognize that their spouse’s work isn’t just a job—a vocation guided by faith and service to God and others. This understanding helps us to support with grace, patience, and wisdom, knowing that we are part of a larger purpose where many of these rewards may not always be visible but are profound and eternal.

A courageous clergy spouse also has empathy. We put ourselves in our partner’s shoes, feeling their emotions and experiencing their challenges vicariously; this is only if your spouse allows you to know their true feeling. A spouse can only empathize deeply when their partner is willing to be vulnerable and share their true feelings. When that trust and openness are present, it creates a powerful bond that helps both navigate the emotional highs and lows of ministry life. Ministry can be emotionally taxing, and being in tune with your spouse’s needs, especially when they share their true feelings, is essential for providing the right kind of support. It’s important to remember that this support is a two-way street, and clergy spouses also need understanding and support from their partners to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship.

Lastly, a courageous clergy spouse is resilient. Resilience is defined as being able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions. Wow! I think that identifies a lot of who clergy spouses are, almost like a Timex, we take a “licking and keep on ticking.” We change churches with great demure; we show up to out-of-town meetings on a weekday! Clergy spouses often face unique challenges, from the demands of ministry to the sacrifices of time, yet they keep going with grace and strength. Resilience defines much of who we are.

We push forward, often in the background, but the courageous spouse has the crucial role of keeping it all together. You adapt to change, recover, and continue supporting your spouse and community with unwavering commitment, the cornerstone of a successful partnership, providing the unwavering support and understanding necessary for your partner to thrive in demanding professions. Embodying these qualities creates a safe and nurturing environment that allows their partner to reach their full potential. We are courageous!