Living with Death: Conversations about Death, Grief, and Healing
By Rev. Dr. Versey A. Williams, Contributing Writer
In my early training to become an ACPE Certified Educator, I was listening to one of my peers. He was distraught that God would allow an innocent child to be killed. I was dumbfounded that he thought God would leave the child alone knowing he was going to be killed. How did our ancestors endure such cruelty and yet they praised their God? In this 21stcentury of social and racial injustice, our ancestors’ Zion continues to sustain us in times of need. A person’s belief system lays the foundation for their relationship with God and pastoral care to others. How can an absent God be a very present help in time of need? Let there be no doubt, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalms 46:1).
The Genesis account of creation (1:26-27) and the celebration and lament of the psalmist (139) remind us that God has and always will be present with every person born into this world. As Christians, Jesus reminds us that we will never be left or forsaken (John 14:16-20).
The Rev. Donald Phillips, III, pastor of Lewis Chapel AME Church in Albion, Michigan, recognized that even though we will see our loved again, living with death was having a profound effect on him and members of his congregation. His loving concern for his congregation led him to offer a three-part series on how to live with death, which I facilitated.
On January 18, congregants were invited to tell their stories. On February 21, congregants celebrated their loved ones’ lives and legacies as they lit candles as a reminder that God simultaneously cares for the living and the dead. The March 21session offered tools, like the feeling wheel, biblical affirmations, and ways to create new traditions, as they continue to mourn as well as celebrate how God has made provisions for them as they grieve.
As congregants shared their stories, Bible study was woven throughout the three sessions. God chose to become a human in the person of a son, our Savior, Jesus Christ (Matthew 1:20-23). Sometimes, suffering and disappointment cause us to run from the cross instead of to it (Isaiah 53:3-6). Congregants realized that God’s commitment to bear our burdens cushions accidents, abuse, and other experiences that cause death. Through tears, laughter, and reminiscing, some experienced relief when they were reminded that God held their loved one(s) through life and death and continues to care for them.
As survivors, even more painful are circumstances of death. The Holy Spirit was faithful. A widow and daughter forgave the woman who killed their husband and father. Forgiveness does not right the wrong. Forgiveness frees the forgiver to live unencumbered by the circumstance. There is power in the forgiving blood of Jesus. A daughter permitted herself to talk about her fear and anger as she recalled sitting at the bedside of her dying mother. Two sisters grieved the same mother in different ways.
A stereotype was put to rest. A person does not get over death. A person learns to live with death. A mother, whose son died at a young age, spoke with joy, knowing her child is safe with God. A young man owned that he was angry with God. Our feelings let us know something is not balanced inside and we need God’s care.
Pastor Phillips and the congregants gave freely of themselves. They recognized their tears and laughter were building community and became a healing balm for each other (Jeremiah 8:21-22).
As the facilitator, I was blessed. Listening to stories about the widow and her husband of 60 years help me appreciate the time I have with my husband whose memory and identity is fading because of Alzheimer’s. In Jesus and the Disinherited, Howard Thurman wrote, “To be to someonewhothey need at the precise moment they are in need, is in itself redemptive.” God has a way of using our brokenness to strengthen and encourage those in need.
The Rev. Dr. Versey A. Williams is in the 4th Episcopal District, under the leadership of Bishop John and Supervisor Penny White. She is on staff at Trinity AME Church in Lansing, Michigan, where the Rev. Lila Rose Martin is the pastor. The Rev. H. Michael Lemmons is the presiding elder. The Rev. Versey is a Board Certified Chaplain with the Association of Professional Chaplains and Certified Associate Educator with the Association of Clinical Pastoral Education, Inc. She is the CPE Program Director and Manager of Pastoral Care for Henry Ford Allegiance Health in Jackson, Michigan.
