Rev. Dr. Melinda Contreras-Byrd, Contributing Writer
Episcopal Supervisor 17th Episcopal District
We represent God’s kingdom on earth. Our behavior toward not just others but those who are part of the family of faith is to prove to the world that Jesus was who He said He was.
People are to watch how we get along as Christians following Jesus, and this ought to give them faith that Jesus is a transformer, an indweller, a love dispenser, a healer, and a Messiah.
The scary truth is that people trust God based on their ability to show love and unity.
You see, choosing to follow Jesus Christ is a weighty choice. It requires that you form a close relationship with God and yield each day to the voice of the Holy Spirit who speaks to your heart and enters your mind. It is impossible for the faith of human Christians to always be on point by just doing what comes naturally or what makes sense. Only the Holy Spirit’s work of sanctification enables us to live a joyful, overcoming, and fruitful life on this side of heaven.
Just as God is busy working everything for our good – God’s enemy is just as busy trying to undo the good that we do, blind us to the wrong that we do, and destroy our witness. Consequently,
whenever the church fails—the world suffers! Scoffers memorize each misstep we make and present it to the world as “Exhibit A” of why God is not real and the church a scam.
One main vehicle for discrediting and destroying the church is conflict.
There will always be conflict, and it can be a blessing that can be used for growth and repentance. However, too often, a lack of knowledge of how to deal with conflict weakens the church and its people.
Our first mistake lies in our failure to address issues in conflict effectively. Feeling unprepared, we attempt to ignore conflicts even when we see that they are not just going away on their own but festering and giving birth to ugliness in personal relationships or the church body.
Know that if you are a follower of Jesus Christ, it is your duty to diligently try to rectify conflict in a peaceful and restorative fashion. Read and reread the process God has given us in II Timothy 2:24, Matthew 5:23&24 and 18:15-17. The lessons in these scriptures direct us to why and how to solve conflict in Christian ways.
- Matthew 18:15-17 Teaches that resolution begins with self-searching.
- Begin first by acknowledging the conflict and doing whatever we must do to stand before God with a spirit of honesty, forgiveness, and determination to
- Resolve the matter to save the relationship with the sister, brother, or group with whom we have the conflict.
- Remember your role in the kingdom.
- Be mindful that the goal of the deceiver is to destroy relationships and thus weaken the church. But irrespective of our shyness, anger, or fear,
- We are to take the initiative to resolve the conflict, not take the self-righteous stance that theyare wrong and should come to us.
- Rules of engagement
- Approach the situation with godly determination. Resolve not to argue back and forth but to listen and to
- Always speak with respect, kindness, and patience. How often have we witnessed interactions that were not following this directive?
- Seek resolution when someone has something against you, not just when you are the injured party! (Resolution takes priority over your hurt feelings). Your work for the kingdom is hampered when you fail to do this.
- Recognize that we all have issues. We all require grace to be, make a friend, and be a part of the huge community of God’s kingdom on earth.
- We are more than the physical and spiritual but also the psychological. Lives of abuse, neglect, and loss result in problematic thinking and behavior in good, God-loving Christians who keep others at a distance, act out anger, protect themselves by developing a need always to be right or in positions of power, and play tit for tat and try to show strength through vindictiveness and retribution.
We have learned to walk in the ways of the world where plays for power and vindictiveness are accepted—but are anathema to the Christian lifestyle!
I keep a sign in my office that reads, “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Always be kind.”
Amen.
Yes, the article is Absolutely Excellent,
Thank you Supervisor Byrd.
Also in agreement with comment from Ken Evans, listen to the people in the church sometimes.
Excellent article. The problem starts at the TOP– not listening to the members of the church. Elders sweep problems under the rug (presenting false reports) to make it look like all is well—-when they know it’s not. They know (Bishops and Elders) of problems and refuse to take action. The Discipline is ONLY adhered to when it benefits the pastor. I can go on and on. What does it take to not just be heard, but see action taken. AME needs to stop being REACTIVE and become PROACTIVE. STOP REWARDING BAD BEHAVIOR!!! THE BIBLE SAYS–Matthew 22:14 “For many are called, but few are chosen.” If you have on the wrong attire, you should be removed. AME JUST KEEP MOVING BAD PASTORS FROM ONE CHURCH TO ANOTHER CHURCH. A pastor is being evaluated by the members at every appointment. So if he/she is moved based on a bad evaluation, EVERYTIME, WHY KEEP REWARDING HIM/HER? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE—PLEASE. They say, You keep doing the same thing over and over again, you will get the same results.
I LOVE AME, BUT I CAN’T ATTEND ANY AT THE PRESENT TIME. IT HURTS MY HEART/SOUL TO SEE WHAT OUR ELDER AND BISHOP HAS ALLOWED TO HAPPEN TO THE CHURCH I GREW UP IN FOR 62 YEARS. THE MEMBERS ARE EXITING THE DOOR B/C OF (QUOTING YOU), “
ChristiansPastors who keep others at a distance, act out anger, protect themselves by developing a need always to be right or in positions of power, and play tit for tat and try to show strength through vindictiveness and retribution.”I want to come back, (watching TV Pastor Charles Stanley from home) but not until AME starts correcting the egregious behavior of most of these AME pastors. Pastor Stanley is gone, but God’s word never gets old, changes or die. REMEMBER THE FUTURE AME’s are well educated and will not go along to get along and they are watching what you do, not what you say.
AME leadership is a textbook example of what’s going on in Trumpland and the Republican Party in Washington DC—REWARDING BAD BEHAVIOR—IGNORING THE PEOPLE—HAVING YOUR OWN AGENDA—KNOWING WHAT’S GOING ON IS WRONG AND REFUSING TO TAKE A STAND FOR RIGHT.
Kem Evans
7th Episcopal District
South Carolina Conference
Edisto District
“Let it begin with me.”
Good morning
I have. Letters were written and calls were made to the Elder and the Bishop by several members. We had a meeting with the Elder, and the Bishop met with the members, They listened to the members concerns—-and that’s all they did LISTENED. To be frank, the matter was turned around on the members–The members are the problem. I was told later by members, “We told you; you just wasting your time.”
BUT IT’S OK. GOD SITS HIGH AND HE LOOKS LOW.
BLESSING TO YOU