Tale of Two Givers
Rev. Dr. Alfonso Wyatt, Columnist
It was the best of gifts; it was the worst of gifts—hence, the Tale of Two Givers. The desire to give is a human quality people admire, causing some to boast about what they do not possess, namely, a giving spirit. Giving has a dark side because not every gift may be a gift. How can that be? The question goes to what is a person’s motive that fuels their giving. Some give “light,” while others proficiently dispense “darkness,” which is mistaken for light. Let us examine the heart, mind, and motive of two types of givers in the time that we have. Our subjects will be divided into conditional and unconditional givers to facilitate information exchange.
Conditional Givers (CG)
A dime a dozen, and everywhere you look…
CG gift offerings contain hidden hooks designed to snag someone who, out of need or greed, takes the bait. Let’s say the CG offers a sister he catches a ride with to church to chip in a few dollars to buy gas. On the surface, this sister has found a thoughtful catch. A closer look reveals CG is building up and asking to borrow her car because he wants to take out a new lady friend. He wants her to think the car is his. The hidden snare is that the car owner will feel guilty about denying the use of the car after accepting the offer to pay for gas. That is what conditional giving looks like—giving little to gain a lot.
Conditional Givers have refined their dark art of giving to get. A Conditional Giver can be charming at times by strategically doling out dollops of praise, attention, or sympathy (people still mistake feeling pity for a person as the same as feeling love), all in a nefarious plan to earn trust. Abusive CGs are dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. You cannot change a person’s heart, motive, or behavior, no matter how hard you try, how desperate you feel, or how deeply you love.
Unconditional Givers (UG)
Rare as diamonds left on the street…
UG gift offerings come with no strings attached, no hidden agendas, or hooks. Their motive is not to have a motive other than to ameliorate a situation confronting the receiver of their benevolence. UG has the uncanny ability to show up in the midst of a person’s storms. They simply and modestly make deposits in people who may be drained financially, mentally, or spiritually. If you ever encountered a UG, I would imagine this person poured into you, never asking or expecting anything from you in return. People who have encountered CG usually say the same thing—“You were what I prayed for.”
If you are dealing with a CG and have accepted less while hoping for more, at some point, you have to ask yourself why. Beloved, know that the answer to this query has the power to change your mindset about accepting or rejecting gifts. It may also help change how you see some givers who claim to want the best for you while they take the best from you. Beloved, I hope you have integrated the Tale of Two Givers lesson. Finally, to close the book on this tale, please do not spend your days looking for UG; Deep down in my heart, they are sent and not found.
It is well with those who deal generously and lend, who conduct their affairs with justice. (Psalm 112:5)
