Millennials and Motherhood
By Cheryl A. Rainey, Contributing Writer
The pretty, 25-year old college graduate, Shel, thought she’d be married with three children by her late 20s. She believed if she did the right thing, “everything would fall into balance.” Mired in student loan debt, limited employment opportunities, and still living at home, Shel felt old in her early 30s.
Thirty-two-year-old Stephany, another beauty, had expected to meet her husband in college or surely in grad school. She’s beginning to think marriage might not be in her future.
Stylish and statuesque Deneen, at 29, shared in the same dreams and expectations as her millennial sisters. Shel and Deneen have made alternative choices. Stephany is considering one. When I realized I know three young women redefining motherhood in the new millennial, I knew it was more than just an anomaly.
Black millennial men are dying from violence in the community. They are being murdered across the country by law enforcement and are disproportionately incarcerated. Shel says men her age are interested in younger women. Stephany expresses that while women are reared to become good wives, men are not being prepared to become good husbands. Consequently, there aren’t enough marriageable men for women who would like husbands. This reality is not just a generational issue. It will affect our community in many ways. Millennial women are asking if they must be deprived of the joys of motherhood because they don’t have husbands. For many, the answer is no.
While working outside the country, Shel started considering options for motherhood. Her career thriving upon her return to the states, she made the decision to become pregnant by an anonymous donor. Ok with being a single mother, Shel did not want to be a “baby mama” with the potential drama. Eight-month-old Sachi brings her great joy. Sachi will be told the truth “even before she can understand.” At the age of 18, she can obtain information on her father if she desires from the sperm bank.
Wondering how she’ll feel if she doesn’t have children and feeling as if she’s falling behind, Stephany is considering being a surrogate for a woman unable to carry her own baby. She doesn’t see children without marriage as an option. Still, she would like to experience pregnancy. Surrogacy would allow Stephany to be a blessing to another woman.
Deneen is taking the most traditional alternative to marriage and motherhood. A career woman with a master’s degree, she found herself with an unplanned pregnancy. While she’s been in a two-year relationship with her child’s father, Deneen doesn’t see marriage in their future. She’s looking forward to rearing her daughter with the support of family. She expects the father to take an active role. Deneen says her pregnancy and baby are a blessing.
Millennial motherhood will look different. We can help by not judging. Stop asking why they aren’t married. They wish they were but are not. Love them and their children. Support them where they are. Gee, that kinda sounds like being a Christian.
Cheryl A. Rainey is a Chicago-based entrepreneur, writer, speaker, and presenter. She attends St. Stephen AME Church. She can be followed on Facebook at Cheryl A. Rainey.
