La Toria M. Lane, Contributing Writer
Unfortunately, it has become the reality of many to carry the weight of expectations. These expectations range from being a good child, a good friend, a good spouse, an overall good person, and a great Chrisitan. I have personally found that these expectations shift unrealistically to never wanting to let anyone down. The thought of disappointing anyone who expects more of and from me has two sides. Not only does it push me to be the best I can be, but it also creates a feeling of guilt and inadequacy when I fall short.
In a series for the month, I was reading the book of Phillipians and learning more about the Apostle Paul’s imprisonment and his letter to the church in Philippi. Specifically, in chapter 2, verses 12-18 Paul gives instructions to the church on how they should live, obey God, and show the fruits of their salvation. He also specifically says in verse 14-15 of the New Living Translation, “Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you.
Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people.” These verses lead to multiple questions and thoughts; however, the one that stuck with me the most was, in a world of imperfection, how do we ourselves know if we are crooked and perverse people?
The obvious answer is in a literal sense I am not a crooked person, as I do not intentionally break the law, and I am not a perverse person as I try not to behave unreasonably. But sometimes when we dive deeper into interpretation we tend to add more and make our own definitions. For me, it led down the rabbit hole of am I good enough? Is God truly pleased with me? I would like to believe I am not the only one who asks themselves these questions as they take time with God.
It was during this time of reflection that I realized I am scared to fail, to feel God’s disappointment. Just as a child does not want to disappoint their parents, I too do not want to disappoint the Almighty Father. We as people often struggle to separate the societal view from God’s view and forget that the pressures we feel are not necessarily imposed by God, but by others. I am by no means saying God does not have expectations for us to live by His Word, but God’s love is unconditional, and perfection does not exist within his people. We are destined to fall short of God’s grace, as there is nothing, we can do to mimic the debt that has already been paid by Jesus. We as people are our toughest critic, and we must remember to show the same compassion we give our neighbor to ourselves. The fear of disappointment may still exist, but through faith and belief God will provide us with what we need to face it.
LaTorria Lane is a member of St. Andrew AME Church (Memphis, Tennessee) in the Thirteenth Episcopal District.
Sis. LaTorria Lane, I have moments when I struggle with am I truly pleasing God or meeting another’s standard. I appreciate your article. I am encouraged. Thank you.