By Robbie Colson-Ramsey, Contributing Writer

If you have read any of my other articles, you might know that I started a new hobby during the pandemic, being a plant mom. When I was a child, my weekly task was to go to the front pouch and water the plants. I vividly remember my mother shouting throughout the house, “Robbie, pay attention, don’t kill my plants by giving them too much water.”

This childhood habit was reintroduced into my life through a sympathy gesture of a houseplant during earth’s loss of my dear mother to heaven’s gain. Perhaps, right now, you are making an inquisitive face, but let me explain. After the funeral and the floral arrangements were left at the gravesite, the plants were brought back to the house. Most were given to lifelong friends and extended family, but my sisters and I kept a few for ourselves. When I returned home, I sat my plants where I would see them routinely, and as I passed by, I checked whether I needed to give them a little water. Although, as days passed, the plants began withering regardless of the moisture level, there still was no change in their poor condition. I thought to myself; I never saw my mother struggling to keep her plants alive. What could I be doing wrong? I would walk by the plants and say, “Don’t die; you are a lasting connection that I have to my mother’s life.”

Surely, by now, you are reading this and saying, what does this have to do with being a pastor’s spouse? The growth and condition of the plants are also a metaphor for being a pastor’s spouse. I recognize that the growth of the plants is based on time, relationships, and selfless service—the same characteristics we need when we are ministering to God’s people as ministers’ spouses.

1. When I brought the plants home from my mother’s funeral, I just sat them down and did not think about taking the time or making a space for their growth. As a pastor’s spouse, we must make time to first welcome the presence of the Holy Ghost into our lives, into our space. This welcoming and refreshing encounter truly makes a difference. These encounters will allow us to understand the weight placed on our spouses, regardless of the size of the congregation. It also will let us love church members where they are and not expect them to be anything else but who they are. Also, as the spouse, it allows us to be committed to the call God has placed upon our marriage and our entire household. I cannot say that it is easy, but creating time and space in our lives will enable us to talk and listen to the Lord for direction.  
2. I know it may sound crazy, but when I developed a healthy relationship with my plants, it helped me develop a healthier relationship with humans. As relationships grow, they become lush and give life much like plants. So likewise, we want a healthy relationship with our church members that is growing and inviting. We have to be able to cultivate a relationship that is lush and overflowing with God’s mercy and grace. 
3. I often talk about my plant that sat dormant, not growing, struggling to live for many years until I offered selfless love to it. I complained about it but did not put effort into making it grow. So many of our churches need people who will offer selfless devotion to members. I know that there are thoughts that prevent us from giving our whole heart to a church: we remain mad at our spouses for answering the call to preach, furious that they have us at this little bitty church, angry that you must travel every weekend just for church. It was not until I faced the fact that it would not grow (just like that plant) until I put time and effort into where God had planted my spouse—and me. It would always just look like a struggle until I did my part in helping the church to grow.  

When I walk by the plants now, especially when they are in full bloom, I ask myself what more I have learned while waiting so long for me to grow and for God to bless me.