God Cares: Lament of A Preacher’s Widow
Rev. Dr. Wanda C. Henry-Jenkins, Columnist
“3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, 4 who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Have you ever felt totally alone, not lonely, because you have experienced the loss of your husband or wife? The pain (grief) is so deep you wonder if you will ever smile or experience joy. You may feel that God has also left you. Yet, as a Christian, you struggle to hold on to a thread of hope that there is a purpose for everything.
You are not alone in these emotions. I am, in some ways, rising above the waters of lament. My husband, the Reverend Samuel L. Jenkins, Jr., died suddenly of a cardiac arrest in 2017. The doctor’s prognosis was 18 months. I was prepared for his protracted death, but not one that would happen three days after the prognosis.
As with many clergy widows and widowers, I was left alone and bereft after years of marriage and shared ministry. We must traverse the landscape of lament and learn to live without our beloved mates. Despite the fact that I am a clergywoman and grief counselor, there was no escape pass! Through my studies, I discovered and experienced the biblical process of lament. God’s word provided the language to lament, process grief, and heal.
Prayer and reading God’s word led me through some very rough, tear-filled days and nights. I employed the practice of Lectio Divina (divine reading of scripture), which is taking time to focus on one passage of scripture and then personalize it. Essentially, I became part of the scripture and applied it to my circumstances.
Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God”? 28 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. 29 He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might, he increases strength. 30 Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; 31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and
not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:27-31)
Wanda, how can you think the Lord does not see your sorrow/suffering? How can you think God does not listen to your concerns? Do you understand that the Lord is the everlasting God and your Creator? God never grows faint or weary of your emotional cares. God understands you completely and sees your exhaustion. God understands how to become so weary. God knows you better than anyone, including you. There is no comparison to God’s vast understanding of you, God’s child. Trust that God is giving you the power to accomplish all you do. Rest in God’s presence and receive God’s strength in place of your weakness. Wanda, continue to trust God and wait on the Lord, and you will find new strength. You will fly high on wings like eagles. You will be renewed to run and not grow weary. You will walk and not faint.
Prayer, reading, and meditating on Scripture enabled me to develop a more intimate relationship with God and lament my loss. Yes, there were moments of doubt and deep sorrow, but these spiritual disciplines kept my trust in God steady. God became my husbandman, protector, and provider. The sense of divine abandonment and disappointment dissolved.
I love God more than Sam or even myself, and I realize that even when I do not feel God, He is with me. The scripture passages in both Isaiah and 2 Corinthians are God’s voice, reminding me God really is always present. God knows me and my needs. And, in response to God’s voice, I utter these words daily: I trust You, God. The shift for me is to continue to develop a deeper trust in God’s love for me. God is our Heavenly Father, provider, protector, peace, and power.
So, if you are feeling alone, abandoned, and deeply sorrowful, know that lament is God’s way of helping us to grieve. And Lectio Divina, accompanied by prayer and meditation, can help. Identify a passage of scripture that will help you lament. Study it. Meditate on it, and then personalize it. Finally, pray the scripture. This process will help you mourn and grow your relationship with God. God is waiting for your invitation to share your sorrow.
